The Cloud-eater by Marc Alexander Valle

Reality is a conversation with yourself.

That’s how I was going to start the poem. I became inspired to write it while I was waking up. I had to use the bathroom quick first. It was going to be my greatest poem. By the time I got to the computer, I forgot what I was going to say.

Reality is a conversation with yourself. A conversation full of narrative threads and spider-web worldviews.

I won’t have to worry about being fast enough at age 80. A machine will be in my head with a connection to the future form of the cloud and all my past thoughts will be at my disposal. I will write my great poem.

Reality is a conversation with yourself. A conversation full of narrative threads and spider-web worldviews, born from the fire of existence.

I’ll go to bed that night and have the best sleep of my life and have a dream better than all the dreams I’ve ever dreamt. I’ll revisit old memories intertwined with old fantasies that will turn into new adventures. I’ll get to use all of my collected knowledge to solve riddles and puzzles and unlock the greatest mysteries of the world. Did Socrates exist? Who was Shakespeare? Where was Jesus during the unrecorded years? I’m not sure if I’ll ever wake from that dream that night. No one ever really knows with those sorts of things.

© 2019 Marc Alexander Valle

Post Meditation Journal Entry # 13

12/25/2017 6:24 am – 6:39 am

Many positive thoughts for this sit. Every now and then I’d feel a joyful feeling and see someone smiling at me. I can’t tell if I saw the smiling person first and then felt the joyful feeling or felt the joyful feeling and then saw the image of the smiling person . But again, I struggled with the whole thinking about thinking thing on-and-off, I follow out long strands of chain-linked thoughts and for almost an entire minute just think and think and think. When I meditate in group, it seems as though everyone else is doing it correctly and is just comfortable sitting, but I keep wanting to tend to my thoughts. But as I’ve been told that is part of meditation, living with the things that you only believe that you can control.

I count every breath now from 1 to 20 then start over again. I use it as sort of a training wheel until I can focus without it. I’ve asked myself if counting really does work or if it’s obstructive, but it’s allowed me to have some successes in concentrating and manifesting positive thoughts.

I felt a surge of creative energy this sit. I felt that I could tackle a project of mine with enthusiasm. As though if I fail it will not matter, journey-is-the-goal type of stuff. Beautiful.

I will end this entry on dreams. I had a few nightmares last night. The first dream, I was in my childhood home in the second floor back window (the bathroom). It was dark outside and teenagers were trying to attack the house by throwing stuff at it. I made an attempt to throw stuff back at them with my father. My father sort of lost interest, but I was intent on calling 911 for some feeling of safety. I was really scared. I fussed with the phone, trying to call, but for some reason I can never make phone calls or mess with numbers in dreams.

The second dream involved sort of a heavy guy on a wheel chair that wanted my undivided attention. He grabbed my arm and wrapped it around him and talked nice to me but there was a dark undertone about it. I attempted to leave and he became ugly and nasty and started chasing me on his wheelchair. I couldn’t get away fast enough.

Last night’s nightmare, this morning’s awakening. I still believe there is a balance of energy to the mind not unlike the physical forces of the universe.